Spiritual Computers!!

Computer Science and Spirituality seem so different at the first glance, but like everything else they are part of the same single truth.  It seems to be the weakness of our minds that we tend to perceive subjective interpretation of that single truth as different and diverse absolute truths.

Different, Diverse and yet Absolute - definitely an oxymoron.

Anyways, coming back, so what made me think about computer science in perspective of spirituality - A heart to heart discussion with an elder friend on how to calm our minds !!

Anyone operating computers (or even smart mobile devices these days) is aware of the havoc viruses can cause to the machines. Depending on the severity of the virus attack on computer, the behavior of computer can vary from the expectation, on a large scale. If the attack is mild, a typical software running on the computer may stop behaving as it is expected to behave e.g. typing a specific alphabet on the keyboard may produce a different alphabet on the screen (btw, this was one of the assignments I did in college !!). Whereas if the attack is severe, the computer may refuse to start up or erase the hard disk completely thus making one lose all the stored information (including your favorite songs, games and movies!!). The viruses are also highly prevalent in the network space (i.e. group of computers e.g. internet) - we all have faced scenarios when the website we use on a daily basis is unreachable because of virus attack on the server.

All in all, Computer virus attacks can be devastating, and at times deadly too - imagine a virus which hacks missile attack programs of a nation and fires the missile - though this sounds like a Hollywood flick, I think it is not virtually impossible with creative but malevolent hackers all around.

So what we do? We install "Anti-Virus" programs on our computers.

We allow these anti-virus programs scan our computers either periodically or in real time and catch any virus which are present on the computer. These programs not only identify and catch the viruses, they also quarantine them and at times fix them for good. For these anti-virus programs we collectively pay billions of dollars to companies producing  the anti-virus programs (heard of Symantec or Norton?). We invest resources actively (both effort and money) to ensure that our computers are virus-safe. When our computers are attacked by viruses, we tell our friends, we seek expert guidance both online and offline - most importantly we devote our time to free our computers from virus fearing that it may impact us negatively.

But .. what do we do with the viruses which keep attacking our minds day in and out? What do we do when thoughts full of ego, ambition, greed, lust and hatred attack us? In fact nothing - we just let them engulf our mind space, drain our energy and leave us lifeless just like an unusable virus attacked computer.

It surprises me Why we give more importance to a machine in our room than to the most important machine drivers in our body - our minds. Why don't we actively search for the anti-virus programs for our minds like the way we do it for our computers? At times I tend to think that the reason is that our families and society around is more tolerant to mind viruses than they are to computer viruses. They accept ego, ambition, greed as part of one's psyche unless these mind viruses makes one visibly dysfunctional - and we learn this as we grow up thus de-focussing from mind viruses and waiting for them to spread and make us dysfunctional. We consciously forget that though we may not be dysfunctional completely, we are still losing most of our energy and peace of mind because of the spread of these viruses in our mind.

The most important question then: I am aware of the mind viruses occupying my mind, where do I get the anti-virus from?

Well, I tend to think that everyone needs to search and find his/her own anti-viruses but definitely introspection and mindfulness are the keys for that search. By introspection, one can become aware of the viruses running consistently in his/her mind - Surprisingly a lot of us are completely unaware of these viruses inside us and the humongous energy dissipation they are causing. By mindfulness, we can become aware of our actions as we take them thus converting our unconscious reactions to conscious responses, and in the process quarantining or at times purging those viruses from our psyche.

For me reading books by Osho esp. on Zen thoughts, and trying to develop a deeper understanding of those thoughts by discussing them with a couple of friends has been a very effective anti-virus. For one of my friend (whom I have seen almost dysfunctional at times because of Ego and Expectation virus), I have seen proper breathing, walking and Yoga as helpful anti-viruses. Bottom line is one needs to start the inwards self journey to discover the mind anti-viruses.

A couple of more subtle points, I have slowly realized about these viruses:

1. Religion - The pirated anti-virus: At times the anti-virus one installs on computer can be pirated and can unexpectedly harm the computer unknowingly. Religion is one such pirated anti-virus. I am infact just short of calling religion a virus, because the intention behind religion was to purge these viruses. But the sophisticated hackers around (lets call them the priest-ackers) corrupted the religion and now use it to spread the mind viruses. Literally, I have seen very few religious people around, whose religious beliefs are not acting as an ego or desire booster for them!! (remember those: "I did not eat meat during the entire 9 days of Navaratra" or "If I pray n times a day, I'll definitely go to heaven"). If one is following a religion, s/he needs to work doubly hard to introspect that religion is not fueling the mind viruses in him/her and is true to the anti-virus properties it is expected to be.
2. Dormant viruses: Just like in computers, there are viruses which lie dormant in mind, all of a sudden wake up, attack the psyche maliciously, do irreparable damage, and then go to sleep again, as if nothing ever happened. Sudden Anger is one such dangerous virus. In these cases one needs to recognize that though infrequently and irregularly, one is suffering from a virus attack and then, go deep in his/her mind to repair the virus or delete the file (memory) triggering the virus attack
3. Continuous virus creation and defense: The world around is continuously trying hard to create and inject new viruses in our minds - again this is the reality of the world and cant be changed until one becomes a recluse and avoids all form of other-human experiences and communications. The external factors may be hard to change - at times I have decided not to interact with certain individuals because of severity of Negativity and Comparison virus they keep attacking my mind with - this has worked to some extent. But the real defense is what we do with computers - we do not stop using internet, instead we strengthen our anti-virus and scan our computers daily if not at real time. Same holds true of mind anti-viruses as well. A regular dose of one's favorite anti-virus (be it meditation, yoga, reading or something else) can prepare him/her for the most virulent mind attacks. An even better approach can be real time defense or Mindfulness i.e. as the masters have said "Walking in Zen and Talking in Zen"

Happy Anti-Virusing to all.

Stability .. the Mirage !!

इस धरती पर, जहाँ कुछ भी 

क्षण-भंगुरता के विकार से बचा नहीं है,

यहाँ, मैं बाँवला सा,

स्थापत्य का कभी न पूरा होने वाला स्वप्न देखता हूँ.

स्थ्यापत्य का यह कभी न पूरा होने वाला स्वप्न,

और कभी न पूरे होने वाले न जाने कितने स्वप्नों को जन्म देता है, 

और ...

इसके परिणाम स्वरुप, मैं बाँवला सा

इन सपनो के दलदल में धंसता जाता हूँ.

क्या है खुद को स्थापित करना?

क्या इच्छाओं की पूर्ति स्थ्यापत्य का पथ-प्रदर्शन करती है?

या फिर , क्या दूसरो पर अपना वर्सच्व बनाना

स्थापत्य की राहों में मील का पत्थर होता है?

शायद नहीं, कभी नहीं.

परन्तु फिर क्यों,

स्थ्यापत्य प्राप्त करने के लिए

मैं, बाँवला सा, इन्ही हथकंडो को अपनाता हूँ ,

और बेवजह, स्थ्यापत्य की तलाश में, अपनी नज़रों में गिरता जाता हूँ.

कितने स्वयं को स्थापित कहने वालो को 

शहीद होते हुए देखा है.

कितनी गगन-चुम्बी इमारतों की ..जो की (शायद) अडिग थीं..

नीव हिलते हुए देखी है.

कितने राजा - महाराजाओं को .. जिन्होंने न जाने कैसे कैसे हथकंडे अपना कर, स्वयं को (शायद) स्थापित किया ..

तड़पते, करहाते , लड़खड़ाते हुए देखा है.

उनके स्थापत्य को टूटते हुए, मिट्टी के रंग में मिलते हुए देखा है.

स्थापत्य ,

जो की इतना नश्वर है,

जो की अथाह सदियों से,

स्वयं को ही स्थापित नहीं कर पाया है.

मैं , बाँवला सा, क्यों ऐसे स्थापत्य के पीछे,

आँख मूँद कर भागता हूँ?

What is intelligence?

What Is Intelligence, Anyway?
By Isaac Asimov

When I was in the army, I received the kind of aptitude test that all soldiers took and, against a normal of 100, scored 160. No one at the base had ever seen a figure like that, and for two hours they made a big fuss over me.

(It didn't mean anything. The next day I was still a buck private with KP - kitchen police - as my highest duty.)

All my life I've been registering scores like that, so that I have the complacent feeling that I'm highly intelligent, and I expect other people to think so too.

Actually, though, don't such scores simply mean that I am very good at answering the type of academic questions that are considered worthy of answers by people who make up the intelligence tests - people with intellectual bents similar to mine?

For instance, I had an auto-repair man once, who, on these intelligence tests, could not possibly have scored more than 80, by my estimate. I always took it for granted that I was far more intelligent than he was.

Yet, when anything went wrong with my car I hastened to him with it, watched him anxiously as he explored its vitals, and listened to his pronouncements as though they were divine oracles - and he always fixed my car.

Well, then, suppose my auto-repair man devised questions for an intelligence test.

Or suppose a carpenter did, or a farmer, or, indeed, almost anyone but an academician. By every one of those tests, I'd prove myself a moron, and I'd be a moron, too.

In a world where I could not use my academic training and my verbal talents but had to do something intricate or hard, working with my hands, I would do poorly.

My intelligence, then, is not absolute but is a function of the society I live in and of the fact that a small subsection of that society has managed to foist itself on the rest as an arbiter of such matters.

Consider my auto-repair man, again.

He had a habit of telling me jokes whenever he saw me.

One time he raised his head from under the automobile hood to say: "Doc, a deaf-and-mute guy went into a hardware store to ask for some nails. He put two fingers together on the counter and made hammering motions with the other hand.

"The clerk brought him a hammer. He shook his head and pointed to the two fingers he was hammering. The clerk brought him nails. He picked out the sizes he wanted, and left. Well, doc, the next guy who came in was a blind man. He wanted scissors. How do you suppose he asked for them?"

Indulgently, I lifted by right hand and made scissoring motions with my first two fingers.

Whereupon my auto-repair man laughed raucously and said, "Why, you dumb jerk, He used his voice and asked for them."

Then he said smugly, "I've been trying that on all my customers today." "Did you catch many?" I asked. "Quite a few," he said, "but I knew for sure I'd catch you."

"Why is that?" I asked. "Because you're so goddamned educated, doc, I knew you couldn't be very smart."

And I have an uneasy feeling he had something there.

Socha Maine Jab bhi

सोचा  जब  भी  मैंने  की  लड़  लूं
इस  ज़िन्दगी  के  साथ ,
तो  वोह  हमेशा
मुझसे  दो  कदम  आगे  ही  मिली .

मिल  गया  मुझे  वोह  सब  कुछ
जिसका  होता  है  इस  दुनिया  को  अरमा ,
जो  ना  मिला  तो   सिर्फ  वही
जिसे  मैंने  ढूंडा  शाम  सवेरे  हर  गली -गली .

गुरूर  था  मुझे  की  खेल  रहा  हूँ
मैं  इस  ज़िन्दगी  की  बिसात
जो  आया  सामने  आईना  तो   पाया
मेरी  रूह  थी  एक  शतरंज  के  प्यादे  में  ढली .

हो  गए  ख़त्म सब  ख्वाब
टूट  गयी  हर  रिश्ते -नाते  और  इश्क -मुश्क  की  डोर
पर  शमा  की  वोह  लौ 
जो  एक  बार  भुझी  तो  फिर  कभी  न  जली .

सोचा  जब  भी  मैंने .....

Sensitization

This happened when we took some kids from our partner NGO's for an outing.

As we were entering the place, a man was coming out with his family: mother, wife and a kid. The kid was of the same age group as of the children with us.

When we saw them coming out we asked our kids to ask the name of uncle and his family. As we approached near, the kids grew more and more enthusiastic. They surrounded the person and asked him his name and replied with their names. Till this time the other kid was watching these children.

After this first round of introduction the children proceeded towards the kid. I could see a sparkle of friendship in the eyes of our children and in other kid too..... he also proceeded towards these children. But suddenly like a thunderbolt, the mom pulled him back. She simply held his hands and pulled him towards herself. I guess she didn’t want her kid to intermingle with kids with rough hands, torn pants and running nose. Her husband got the signal and resonating the sounds of "That’s good, that’s good" he proceeded out.

The sudden thought which crossed my mind was 'She needs sensitization'

Would this incident have happened if the Man in picture was a Dream A Dream volunteer. No never! This sensitization is a gift to us from Dream A Dream. We dreamers rarely undergo any sort of sensitization workshop, but still as we work with the children, this sensitization automatically creeps inside us, empowers us and fortifies us.

We need to sensitize more and more people about child issues. Even if they can’t be involved in our cause directly, they should be able to appreciate and respect these kids for what they are. These children like every other child need the same respect, trust and love. And We in Dream A Dream are bound to make it happen.

A major chunk of our goal can be achieved by sensitization.

I just realized something while typing thisblog. I will be a better parent because of the values of sensitization imbibed in me through Dream A Dream.

Thanks Dream A Dream

HonneMardu : A Realisation

Will it be worth taking two days leave from office for going to Honnemardu ??
Will I be able to manage kids?? They may eat my head out.How will I survive in those no electricity, no mobiles, no toilet conditions??Do I really want to take responsibility of 15+ kids for 4 full days? What happens if something goes wrong??

These were the questions blowing in my mind since three days before Honnemardu trip.

Man I was scared.

I have been volunteering with Dream-A-Dream for an year. But never ever did I realise that there is a lot of child hidden behind the veils of activities we are doing through Dream-A-Dream. What we see in activities, fun days ,educational programs conducted by Dream-A-Dream are only certain facets of the lives of the children we are dealing with. There are tons of other feelings, emotions and sentiments which skip from our eyes in the hush hush of the activities.

Honnemardu showed me those feelings, bare and naked.

We started from Blore, with 17 kids, silent, with murmurs within just their own groups (respective NGOs). But on our way back, it was tough to makeout which kid belonged to which NGO. They all were at the top of their voices. And I with my broken Kannada (which I picked up from kids) had to shout 'Galaata Mad Bedaa' at frequent intervals. Whats happened in between going and returning is a lifetime experience, a realisation after which my life will never be same as it was before.

Each and every task with the kids -- from trekking, swimming, boating, eating, sleeping to brushing teeths, watching stars in the night, hearing their heart-tearing stories, washing dishes near the well, pulling water out from the well, sitting across the camp fire --- each and every task was so insightful, so peneterating into their lives. Each one of them had so much to tell us or in other words we had so much to observe in each kid. The way they were taking care of each other, teaching each other how to swim, sharing bedsheets, mats, tiffins … My heart was filled with an unspoken delight.

I want to share some of experiences with you all…. Which sometimes made a hole in my heart and at other times gave me everlasting smile and happiness. Let me talk about some kids. These kids have answered hundereds of my questions but at the same time have given me thousands unanswered questions.

Raja ... 5 years old ... was the youngest kid in our group.
You can easily identify him with his chubby cheeks, running nose and the inability to wear his sandals by himself. He was so quick to remove his sandals before jumping into water but had to find someone to get his sandals back on his feet. 'Uncle …. Sandals Please' was his favorite sentence in the trip.
I caught him once trying to wash his small teddy bear shaped tiffin box near the well. His small fingers rubbing the corners of the box were unable to remove the older food pieces. He kept on trying but in vain. Suddenly I saw him running back towards the queue where the food was getting served. To prevent him to take food in his unwashed box , I called him and washed his box. Other days I wasnt able to check his tiffin box .. and I realise now he would have eaten food in the dirty tiffin box.

I wonder if anybody is checking 5 year old Raja’s tiffin box today ???

6 years old Dilip is nothing but innocence personified.
I never heard him complaining in these four days. With his contagious smile and effervescent enthusiasm, he used to tell me 'Uncle I will skim (swim) alone to there' as a gesture of his courage ..….. And As soon as I started pulling him in water he was scared to death. It took him lot of time , effort and confidence to 'skim alone to there'.

While travelling to Honnemardu he wanted the top berth in the train, but we volunteers were scared that he may fall down. We somehow pursued him to sleep. But while returning he stood inside the train with one hand up pointing to the top berth, face towards me and just repeating 'Uncle Up'. I had to bow down and he slept on the top berth. At night around 2 AM in night I heard a 'Thud' sound and saw Dilip lying on the floor whining slowly. I got down , picked him up , laid him on the nearby berth , asked him if he has been hurt and his reply was 'NO UNCLE'. His reply shocked me. I couldnt think off a 6 year old falling from 2 mts and being fine. This was the height of non-complaining nature.

You can easily think of the mess created by a main stream kid in the same predicament.
Anyways , I sat beside him stroking his head finding it heard to believe he hasnt been hurt.... and slowly he again fell asleep. As I was leaving I thought he might be feeling cold here and picked up his bedsheet from the top berth... and to my surprise his bedsheet was not fully dried. He has kept a wet towel in his bag , due to which the bedsheet also became wet. He was using that wet bedsheet till then to shield cold.

I came back to my berth lost…. in realisations… realisations which never occurred to me throughout my life … and occurred after seeing a little angel covering himself up in the wet bedsheet.

Priya .... 6 year old , the sweetest kid in our group.
She became my teacher and taught me Kannada throughout the trip. Whenever she found me free, she came to me and said 'Unnnduuu (one in kanaada) Uncle' as an indication that I should tell her all the numerals till ten. She clapped when I completed without a mistake and used to tell me 'one mark cut uncle' when I told her some numeral wrong.
She had a habit of forgetting her shoes. I felt like she did not enjoy wearing shoes. One day morning we went for a 6-7 kms long trek. I asked her to wear shoes but she gave no heed. She climbed mountains, passed through thorny bushes , treaded through hot rocks , walked on the dried leaves full of pointed stones... all bare foot. Never ever she complained of a thorn.
I am still surprised.
I just waked a couple of meters bare foot and had so many things troubling my feet.

Once I went to the well to wash my tiffin box. I found her standing there alone. There was no water in buckets and she was throwing the plastic pot in the well to fetch out the water ... I know she wouldnt have been successful in doing that...but she was trying.

Teaching her swimming was fun. Initially she was very scared of water. She used to shriek in water. But slowly she started coming in water with me beside her, holding her. Once I held her in the beginning, and left her after sometime. She gulped some water and I shouted 'Look Priya is swimming ... Everybody clap' ... and everybody started clapping ... And that was the turning point for Priya... Yes she learnt swimming with those sounds of clapping. I dont know what confidence those claps gave her ... but after that she swam alone without any help. In the night while sitting around campfire when she was asked what did she like about the trip, she told 'The way Kautuk Uncle taught me swimming'... Man I was speeechless. She came to me after sometime and touchng my hand said ‘Thank You Uncle’ with an incessant shy smile. She touched every nook and corner of my heart. I still remember the elation when after topping my school examinations my dad told me ‘Son I am proud of you.’ Priya’s compliment suddenly surpassed that.

Now while I write this mail thinking about Raja , Dilip and priya … there memories suddenly fills me with grief. An envelope of concern grips me. What are these kids doing now. How are they managing all by themselves. Why has been God so cruel. They are too small to be left all alone in this world.

It is becoming tougher and tougher for me to digest my own realisations.

Bigger kids had their own lessons to teach me.

Rohit ... 13 years old ... was the body of negativity in the beginning. None of the games he liked , none of the activities he adored ... making new friends was a burden to him. You introduce any new thing to him and be ready to listen the constant reply 'Kya Uncle ... Is-se kya hoga'. He was the guy not knowing Kannada or Tamil , So I had to be always beside him to explain him the rules in Hindi. His fights with Manjunath and Kumar became the talk of the trip. He was so hard to please.

But over the time I realised ... he found a friend in me. He told me about his home in Vrindavan... when his parents died he ran away to Calcutta... served in a shop for 2 years where he was constantly beaten ... and finally he ran from there too... and now he was living in Bosco where he learns Tailoring.

He enjoyed all the water sports and hated the trek. He was the first one to put wood in the campfire at night.

Though he opened very slowly... but definitly he did.
Now when I think why he opened to me I realise he wanted to be treated as a macho and I did that from the third day. If I wouldn’t have done that, he would have been in his shell for the whole trip. By the end of the trip he was laughing and cracking jokes with other kids.

He taught me the most imp lesson of the trip: If I need to help a kid … I need to understand and be sensitive to his/her needs.

Shubhashini... the 16 year old damsel...was the mother figure for all the girls.... her twinkling eyes and ever smiling face was a source of inspiration to all the kids around.
She spoke less and I always found her in pensive state of mind thinking about something.
Once we were discussing about our families and she told me that she doesnt like any body in her family. I was very surprised to know that. When I came to know about the pains she has gone though in her family I understood both her detachment from her family and her pensive looks.

It is still tough for me to take in how can she with so much pain inside , is able to smile , is able to take care of smaller kids.

And now comes the most amazing kid I had ever met... 14 years old .... toughest of all the kids.
With his Dada like appearence and talks he was easily taken as the macho in our group. He was the first one to do the darest tasks. He was always ahead in the trek , climbed the mountains first , jumped from the tree top in the water.
When we lost the key for one of our rooms he was relied on to break the lock. That was him. He felt competitive in everything. As a very normal teen he always wanted his coracle to reach the shore first.
I always felt like he was not scared of anything. He became a great companion soon. He told me about his family in Mysore..about his village ...where they used to grow paddy and rice.
I never saw him fighting. He only used to laugh voraciously when he saw others fight. And his laugh used to give me a shiver.

All was well until the last day when at the Shimoga railway station he found a blade. I dont know whether in fun or due to some bad memories he struck two other trip members with the blade on the backside of their neck.

Man I was petrified. I felt disgusted and repelled by him.

Kritika took him apart and had a talk with him. What came out was shocking. He used to work at the Mumbai Railway Station in a gang. The gang used to loot people after cutting their neck by a blade. I realised the action he did is not his fault ... he has been through all this. He has spent an unprotected childhood.

I realized that all so called “bad” behaviour has a long history to it. Instead of victimizing the kid or running away from the scence we should see what we can do about it so that another kid doesn’t do the same. Is not bringing guys like him to the trip the solution ? No !! No way. Well who knows we have such kids all around us. How can we judge that? I felt that the best I can do is follow up with him and know more about what that small child had gone through. Afterall, It is for guys like him Dream-A-Dream is working. Just the silent acknowledgement to his story brought a pleasant surprise to me yesterday morning – Guess what ?
He called me yesterday morning... And I went to meet him ... And ‘BINGO’ ... he told me how to pickpoctet others in a bus :) And yes believe me I loved hearing him.


Other 11 kids Santosh , Kirti , Prema , Manjunath , Kumar , Dinesh , Suresh , Anand , Vimala , Vishala and Sukanya .. all have their own unforgetable stories which are burned on my mind forever.


The whole trip was full of realisations. Here I try to summarise them.

1. I am really really blessed to have a protected , safe and learning-filled childhood. And We should make every possible effort to provide these children the same.

2. The most imp thing these kids need is love and someone to hear them. They have lot and lot to tell. Its us who have to give them our ears. The activites we do with children definitely instill a lot of confidence in them and gives them exposure.... but with this they also need friends , role models, people to whom they can speak out their heart. They need somebody to confide in.

Imagine if everyone of us makes it a point to meet just one child every week or 10 days – What enormous difference will it make to that child in specific and to our society in general.

3. We shouldn’t forget being Child-focus in all our activities. That means instead of volunteers making sure that an activity is completed by all the children... each volunteer should see that a particular child has done N number of activities. Until a volunteer follows a particular child in each activity , listens to him/her , befriend him/her... helping the child in a long term will be a far cry

Last , Honnemardu was one of the best thing happened to me. In the beginning of the mail I mentioned that I was scared. Now too I am scared thinking of all the things I would have missed if I hadnt gone to Honnemardu. The realisations I felt, wonderful time I spent, great friends I made are something I am going to cherish my whole life.

I am sure in everybody’s life there are incidents which can be termed as the turning point in one’s life. Honnemardu can definitely be such an incident.